Hello friends!!!

So, funny story - I wrote a blog a few days ago that I've neen wanting to post on here, but simply saved it on my laptop with no intentions of sharing it.

UNTIL TODAY. 

When I found this picture on facebook -

Here's what I had to say: 

Don’t be an a**hole.

I’m trying to be a little more brave when talking about issues and things that irritate me, things that I don’t agree with and things that I’m passionate about.   I tend to worry about what others, family and friends, will think of me, or how their opinion will change of me by me saying and expressing some of the things that I want to express.  This will come to an end as I only get one shot at being the fullest, best me possible.  So if there’s something I want to talk about – you can be sure it’ll be here.  :)

I’ve been getting a lot of incredibly fabulous compliments, as of late, in regards to my good manner, politeness, my positivity, and my niceness.  Sometimes it is really difficult to accept these compliments because I cannot imagine being any other way - so these amazing compliments, I feel, are kind of undeserved because being positive, nice and polite comes SO easy to me.  Sure, I have to work to be that, but its easy fun work.   I make a conscious effort to be all of these, and I wake up daily with two goals: 

Put positive energy out there and don’t be an asshole. 

I took a seminar, maybe a year or so ago, on commercial producing and someone asked one of the producers, “What advice do you have for aspiring theatre producers?” and the producer said, “I was at an event where someone asked Sutton Foster for advice on working professionally in New York City, and she said ‘…just don’t be an asshole.’”  The point of this was the whole idea of one’s reputation and how you treat one person, whether good or bad, will be remembered and it will effect the way you are perceived by others, and that in turn turns into some form of success. 

For some reason, this resonated with me so deeply. 

I’m trying to make for a positive blog, but sorry folks, it’s about to get real negative – Ready.  Set.  Go. 

This blog isn’t me preaching on being kind – that’s not what I’m doing.  Some people are kind and some are assholes – that’s just the way it is.  This is my complaint as to why nice people are still finishing last.  I recently had drinks with a dear friend, and we were talking about how we tend to, at time, fall for assholes.  

And it lead to this not so good thought…. should we sacrifice our good nature in order to be romantically, or even professionally,  appealing to others? 

Of course my instincts tell me no and to maintain this way and blah blah blah and love will find you and blah blah blah, but I can’t help but think, Was Sutton Foster wrong?  Is the way to get what you want maybe and the way for people to respect you is that you SHOULDN’T be kind and sweet and all that mushy stuff?  Is all of that a turn off?  Is it a sign of weakness? 

There are times professionally, I know when I need to be tough and stern – never mean.  Never name-calling.  Never belittling others.  Tough is one thing.  I feel like I can be that, but yet, once I’m anything other than sweet its like I shock people.  Even when I’m sad about something, people tend to see this in me and ask me what is wrong and that is a lot of pressure on someone – to always be smiling and happy.  It’s hard. 

I guess my issue is really one of frustration in finding one self.   It’s an issue of – which is the real you?   And which YOU should you display at certain times.  I’m a totally real person, so I honestly just want to be me 24/7. 

I’ve heard every excuse in the WORLD as to why I wasn’t right for someone.  Here are just a few:

Your personality is too big.

You’re too much to handle.

You’re WAY too nice.

You’re WAY too aggressive.

You’re being bratty.

It’s like – well…DUH!  Sure I’m all of these things – but why is it a bad thing?

Another thought – and I guess I’ve found the answer – it is – being you isn’t the problem, it’s finding someone to appreciate and adore all of the things that make you YOU.  Right?  Just getting there is the hard part – but I guess that’s the journey.