Opening Night.

Here I sit at my beautiful Mac, looking out at this beautiful day, with a beautiful feeling inside.

Last night was the first time WEST LETHARGY played in front of an audience, and the outcome, exceeded all of my expectations. I know how hard it is to fight for your audience, after living in NYC for two years now. Having produced two full productions and working for an Off-Broadway theatre company, I know the difficulty of getting an audience, especially in these tough times. We need to give our audiences a good reason to spend their money to see shows...And that is just what Page 121 Productions has done.

Being ever so slightly discouraged by our ticket sales yesterday, I was anticipating that we were going to play to a 30 person house, in a theater that holds 45. There was a feeling of optimism that I felt, but didn't want to expect too much.

The crowded dressing room, butterflies in all our stomach's, 5 actors sit very anxious, but full of excitement. When Steve, my producing partner came in and gave us a call for places, he said that we had a pretty full house.

A full house? Page 121 had a sold out house? Amazing feeling!

As a producer, knowing that you had a small part in getting these people here, is a feeling that is kind of indescribable. From the moment Aaron filled the stage with light, I felt the connection the audience had with the actors...They were with us through the journey throughout the night.

Hearing the laughter roar at the choices everyone made filled me with so much happiness as I prepared for my scene change duties. I love being in the show...love it...but I wish I could be out there with Steve watching the show.

I never really considered my character "funny" or anything, so much to my surprise, I had to hold for laughs.

If you're reading this and you live in NYC, I'm going to have to highly recommend West Lethargy. It's one of the most exciting endeavors I've ever been apart of.

I have to extend a heartfelt thank you to all of the actors for being so amazing and working so hard to make this happen. I love you all.

On a more personal level, back to the broken heart that won't seem to mend, I couldnt help but wish things were as they were and wishing I could have gotten my 'How'd the show go, babe' text message. Things were so great and my heart was so fulfilled. Don't get me wrong, working on my craft is completely fulfilling, but there will always be this tiny void, just, lingering there. I'm waiting for the day when my mind is free from this person. I don't want to be free from it, because secretly I want it to be there again, but I'm learning that you can't force people to feel something, especially if they never felt anything to begin with. Ugh. Trust me, I know how pathetic I sound. It's not always this bad, I swear. Only where there are incredibly accomplished milestones, I feel extreme momemts of happieness, followed by a moment of sadness, because they're not there to share in my successes.

Jeff's song of the day would be "One Last Cry" by Brian McKnight. It's really how I feel, or at least what I want to happen. Just want one last cry, but everytime I think to myself "Ok, Jeff, that was your last cry" another one follows a few days later.

Missing someone never hurt so bad.

There is a line from West Lethargy that I love:

Nugget: Getting to know you is fun. Knowing you is such a burden.

so true. Kind of how I feel right now. To be knowing someone is a burden for me, but getting to know them, was by far, an incredibly fun adventure. I guess all good adventures come to an end - that's life, I guess.

Anyways! I feel good. I feel great. I'm excited for life. I'm filled with optimism. I cannot worry about how other people treat me, the best thing I can do, the humain thing to do, is to treat people with respect and kindness, and to be the best human being that I can be. If he returns to me, then maybe it was meant to be...right now, it's the time for acceptance. It's just hard to accept something that you don't want to see, but I guess that is what acceptance is all about. Now, getting the strength to move on and not be a bitter bitch is the next goal :-)

Thanks for listening, all. I'm not sure if this even gets read, but it feels pretty good to get it all out. I'm really feeling like Carrie Bradshaw now, except without the wealth.

Best -

Jeff